Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Why Does My Jetta Smell Like The Crayola Factory?

The title of this post pretty much says all I want to say. Or rather, question.  I have had (and am now selling for unfortunate reasons, which I will definitely be posting about in the near future) my 2001 Jetta -named Oceanic- for almost 3 years now, and since day 1, it has always absolutely reeked of crayons. So I've been pretty much driving a Crayola box on wheels for the past few years. Fun stuff.

I love my car, but have never, for the life of me, ever been able to figure out what the hell is going on in it that's making it smell the way it does.
I've Febreezed and Axed the shit out of that thing, Windexed the seats, and sprayed copious amounts of expensive perfumes...yet the stench is relentless.
I know of other people with Jettas from the same year experiencing similar problems, but I gotta wonder what the fuck Volkswagen is making their cars out of that they smell like crayons.  Is the leather really "leather" that's made out of the broken pieces of crayons from the bottom of the pack? Or is Volkswagen in some kind of cruel deal with with Crayola? 

I'd really love to know the answer to this because, like I mentioned earlier, I'm currently in the process of selling my car.  As if it isn't difficult enough to sell a car, especially in this economy, I'm so thrilled that I get to add "comes with authentic crayon scent" to my Craigslist post. Kelley Blue Book doesn't have a box to check off on their site for this, so I can only assume it's adding major value to my car. 
I simply cannot wait for the next set of people who come to test drive Oceanic and ask me what's up with the smell.  It truly is exciting to attempt to explain because when I say, "Evidently a lot of the Jettas from '01 came crayon scented, compliments of Volkswagen," it always sounds like it's really because of something I did. And then I get questioned further as they launch an investigation to the truth behind the smell of my car. Like I'm just making an excuse for some horrid crayon incident that occurred in my car and I'm concealing it from my prospective buyers.
I'm not sure what said prospective buyers are thinking when I talk to them about the smell, nor am I sure what any of my past passengers from the few years I've been fortunate enough to have Oceanic have really thought about the crayon scent's existence. Of course, I'm sure it never helped that I've always kept crayons in my car just to throw some extra confusion into the mix.
But I just want it to go on record that I did NOT have anything to do with my Jetta and it's waxy Crayola smell. It was aaaallll Volkswagen and their evil ways.

So, thank you Volkswagen, for making my life just that much more difficult, turning my car into a running (and now sad) joke and for forever ruining my love of crayons. In some way, I feel you've stolen a little piece of my childhood; the smell of a fresh pack of crayons is no longer associated with coloring books and a carefree life as it had been for so long. Now one whiff of crayons has the ability to make me cry (I'll explain in another post) or feel nauseous because of that one time I got sick in the back seat of my car from drinking too much alcohol after a long night in NYC and all I could smell was crayons.

Way to go, VW, way. to go.

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